BEHAVIORAL REINFORCEMENT: THE BELIEFS THAT SHAPED YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS
When I was around three or four I remember hearing the screams coming from the bathroom. “It’s hot mama; the water is hot.” You’re going to take a bath as I told you, she yelled. I stood there in absolute horror as I watched my mother drowning my sister. I heard her screaming. I saw her kicking and fighting for her life. And then I watched her lifeless body float with no signs of movement.
Later, I heard screaming from the other end of the house. My brother ran in fear as my mother came for him. “You’re thirsty,” she said. Drink! She gave him a huge cup of what I now know was Coke a Cola. “Faster,” she yelled. “Drink It,” she screamed as she continued to fill the cup.
I knew I was next. What would become of me? That’s where my memory skips. I’m assuming help came in time because the next thing I remember is visiting my sister in the hospital. “She will live,” they said, but she is going to be here for a while. I heard the monitors. I saw all the tubes, and I felt very sad and afraid.
Later, I’d be thrown into the foster care system where I’d be adopted by people who would beat, starve, and abuse me both physically and mentally for several years.
Little did I know that the experience at three or four and the horrible experiences that followed through age six would shape the rest of my life.
Yes, 95% of your life is governed by your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind is shaped and formed by the age of six. It is the basis from where you recall things that were programmed in you during those early years of your life.
When you were born, you could not recall any memories because you didn’t have any. However, between the ages of 0-6, you began to learn your native tongue. You learned about letters, numbers, and sounds. You discovered what a bowl, a cup, and a spoon was.
By the time you were 6, your mother could say, “bring me a bowl,” and you knew what it was and how to get it. In the same sense, you learned what was good, what was bad, and what your limits were. If your mother said, “we can’t afford that,” then you believed it. If you lived in scarcity or fear then you became a product of your environment. Your brain, cells, and genetic makeup were all aligned to help you survive in scarce and threatening environments.
You studied the face, reactions, and responses of your caregivers who taught you how you ought to be. In most cases, people don’t deviate from how they were raised, not because they don’t want to, but because they simply can’t.
Without an understanding of how nature has programmed them to live in the tribe in which they were born, they find themselves in the same cycles to ensure that they always fit in with the system in which they’ve lived.
That is why it feels so strange when you try to behave differently than how you were raised.
It is the reason why a lotto winner can become broke again in just a few years. It’s why some famous people end up in abusive relationships. It is how some rich people end up on drugs or suicidal. They don’t know how to deal with the new person that they’ve become because it doesn’t match what their DNA is telling them they should be. In a sense, they become conflicted with themselves.
Genetically, you feel the need to be surrounded by the environment in which you grew up in. You crave the need to react, respond, and operate in the emotional state of your past. Mother nature has programmed you to ensure that you could survive the environment that you were born into. Nature’s headstart program begins the moment you were conceived. Energy passed from mother to fetus can be measured around halfway through her pregnancy.
This is when parenting really begins as the mother is programming her baby to be fat or skinny, rich or poor, happy or sad, and negative or positive. What she eats, thinks, and engages in is physically and emotionally passed down to the baby.
You’re not just fighting negative thinking and bad habits, you’re literally fighting against mother nature which is the strongest force on earth to change your life.
You may discover that you attract abusive relationships because you feel worthless based on how you were valued as a child. You might decide to go back to school or start that business, but you find yourself procrastinating or being held back by some inner belief that it’s not going to work. That belief could’ve been that your mother always doubted herself or let other people run over her.
Whatever dysfunction you grew up in is controlling 95% of your thoughts, actions, deeds, and experiences in life. I’m telling you, you’re going to have to visit the past to find your future. This is some real psychological stuff that is probably causing you to fail in your business and other areas of your life.
From 0-6, my life was shaped by fear, religion, and abuse. My response to pain became “God will make it okay.” Although faith is great, there can be an unhealthy connection with placing God in the place of a deeper problem that you need to be aware of and seek psychological help for.
Answer These Questions
What shaped the first six years of your life? What were your mother and father like? What was your environment like? What experiences did you have at school? Were you taunted, teased, or abused? Were you ignored? Did your family struggle financially? Did your parents work all the time and ignore you?
Even if you didn’t experience anything negative, perhaps one of your clients did. Maybe you’ve been working with a client for a long time, and they just aren’t getting any results. Maybe you’re questioning your coaching skills or your ability to help people transform their lives. It’s important to find out what their background is.
Discover where they came from? Find out a little about their childhood? Because the environment they grew up in determines the biology of how they think. What they are thinking is attracting various situations into their lives that could be hindering their results.
Your job isn’t to attempt to be their therapist, it’s to understand the factors that could be blocking progress so you can refer the proper material that could help.
I know that this is some really deep and intense stuff. I never wanted to go digging around in my past, but I discovered that I had gone as far as could go without looping into the same cycle again. In order to break that cycle, I had to go back and find out what I believed and how those beliefs were limiting my progress.
I’m going to tell you that it was scary. I even had to face my religious beliefs and still come out believing in a higher power which I call God. Religion was the toughest stronghold and the hardest thing for me to face. Reason being is I had so many twisted ideologies mixed in with my faith in God.
Also, facing the abuse and the sick and twisted religious beliefs of my abusers was difficult because it had patterned my thoughts to believe that God places us in hard times so we can come out better people.
I’m still working on that belief because it really hasn’t served me in my life. Who wants to keep going through hard times and struggling times just say that they are a better person?
The more I thought about it, the more I began to see how crazy this stuff was. None of the people that taught me this stuff ever seemed happy. In fact, I was beaten and starved by Christians, molested by a deacon, and divorced by a pastor.
Through all of that, I still believed in God. I just didn’t believe the philosophies that surround my faith anymore. I no longer wanted to attract struggles and hardships and make excuses for being broke. I felt like I was using religion as an excuse for a lack of success.
Some of the things I believed was “It’s just not my time,” or “God has another plan for me,” or “one day I’ll be blessed,” or “I’m going through all of this for a reason,” or “My season is coming.” It’s okay to dysfunctional, broke, and broken if Jesus is still working on ya.
I discovered that removing my religious excuses and finding the real root to the problems I was facing was the only way I could really seek guidance to become free from them.
I now believe that it’s always my season and that God desires for me to prosper and be in good health. When I’m not prospering or in good health, something is out of alignment, and I need to find out what it is so I can get back to prospering and being in good health.
I don’t believe that I have to continually struggle but that my life is good and is meant to be enjoyed.
What do you believe? What religious or psychological beliefs no longer serve you? What are you thinking about that is making you miserable? Where are those thoughts and beliefs coming from?
Now that you understand Behavioral Reinforcement: The beliefs that shaped your consciousness, let’s move on to Why Positive Thinking Isn’t Working: What You Should Do Instead.
Please keep in mind that even if this article doesn’t apply to you directly, this information could help you with your own clients or someone who is present in your life.
It may also help you understand how your parenting deeply affects your children from conception through twelve years of age because it sets them up for the course of their life.
Therefore, you may want to finish this series.
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To Your Success . . .